


Lost On You

by crimsoncomradeposts



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, F/M, Force Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-17
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:29:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23701600
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crimsoncomradeposts/pseuds/crimsoncomradeposts
Summary: The raid on Umbara had gone every which way except according to Kylo’s plan. The Umbaran people had been ready for the First Order, and what was meant to be a simple mission turned into an all out blood bath, leaving Kylo barely any time to escape. He’d been the only one to return to the Star Destroyer, and when he’d arrived, you were there waiting for him.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Reader, Kylo Ren/You
Comments: 1
Kudos: 39





	Lost On You

**Author's Note:**

> This one shot was requested over on [tumblr.](https://direnightshade.tumblr.com/) Come say hi!

The raid on Umbara had gone every which way except according to Kylo’s plan. The Umbaran people had been ready for the First Order, and what was meant to be a simple mission turned into an all out blood bath, leaving Kylo barely any time to escape. He’d been the only one to return to the Star Destroyer, and when he’d arrived, you were there waiting for him.

You’d known him well enough by now to know that sometimes, on occasions such as this, the last thing he’d want is to speak or be spoken to. But he’d always made exceptions for you in the past. So it had some as a surprise to you when you’d fallen into line with him, stepping in unison as you both strode down the hall towards his chambers, that he was anything but communicative.

Now shut away in the chambers that you share, you turn to him, a frown etched onto your features. “Kylo,” you say softly, watching him as he stands at the window overlooking the reaches of the galaxy. “Talk to me. Tell me what happened.” As you step closer to him, a hand reaching out to gently touch his shoulder, you can feel the unfettered rage rolling off him in droves.

“I’d rather not,” he replies, tone clipped, the response meant to end your attempt at communication right then and there. But you are nothing, if not persistent. He’d told you once that he loved that about you, hadn’t he?

“Kylo . . .”

His gaze never wavers from the stars that lie beyond the window, even as you step in front of him to try and catch his attention. Your hand lifts, reaching for him, and it’s then that the anger becomes too much; too much for him to contain, too much for him to hold back even from you. “Enough,” he shouts, his hand inadvertently flicking outward in your direction. The next few seconds that follow are like slow motion to him. He didn’t mean to do it, didn’t mean to send the Force pulsing outward towards you, didn’t mean for it to send you flying back to slam into the window, the impact spider-webbing the first panel of glass.

Kylo stands stock-still for a moment, unable to process what’s just occurred. You look up at him from your place on the floor, a surprised expression etched onto your features. When the shock finally passes, you slowly rise up from the floor, wincing at the searing pain that shoots across your back. He makes a move to help you, and immediately, you smack his hand away, shooting him a look that has him shrinking back. It’s best if he doesn’t come near you now. He doesn’t need your shared bond to tell him that. The look you send his way is telling enough. So he does just that. He lets you go, watching as you exit your shared chambers and disappear from view.

\--------------------------------------------------------------

It had taken every ounce of self control for Kylo to allow you your space, but after hours without you being near or hearing the sound of your voice, he’s decided to search for you. He starts in the chambers where the incident had occurred, the cracked glass a painful reminder of what had transpired earlier in the day. When he doesn’t find you there, he searches the halls, the observation deck, and any other place he thinks you may have disappeared to. But the more he searches, the more he realizes that you aren’t on the ship. Not anymore.

Panic courses through him at the realization, and he’s striding down one of the Star Destroyer’s many halls at a frantic pace, desperate to know where you are. He tries _so hard_ to connect with you through your shared bond, but each time he finds that his connection to you is being blocked. There is nothing. Only silence. Silence that only serves to fuel his panic-filled heart and mind.

“Where is she,” he screams out, startling nearly every First Order member who’s within the confines of the ship’s command center. Heavy footfalls carry him further into the room, and Hux is quick to step in front, effectively halting Kylo’s steps.

“She took your ship,” he says matter-of-factly, wearing that all too smug expression that Kylo’s grown to hate so much.

Kylo leans in, his face mere inches from Hux’s, his voice lowering to a volume so quiet that only Hux is able to hear what he’s saying. “Find her. Then give me her coordinates.” When Kylo turns his back to Hux, he calls out again to whomever will aid him first. “Prepare my ship!”

He pivots on the balls of his boot-clad feet and makes his way out of the large room. The moment that he steps out into the hallway, he senses you. It’s that odd crackled connection that flows between you both. It’s opened and he can sense you. “Kylo,” you say softly, your voice nothing but an echo.

He turns to face the direction of where the sound had come through, finding you standing there clear as if you were truly with him in the moment. “Where are you,” he asks, the panic evident in his voice.

You want to tell him, Force above, you do. But you can’t. Not yet. He needs more time to process what he’s done, as do you. “I can’t.” Your voice is pained, and it _shatters_ him. Shatters him like he’d shattered one of the panes of glass with your body. His chin gives the faintest quiver, the only physical sign that lets you know that he’s in anguish over what he’s done.

“Please.” The word is spoken barely above a whisper, but even through your connection, you’re still able to hear him.

Exhaling a soft sigh, you shake your head. “No.”

“Sir!” A voice rings out from the command center, diverting Kylo’s attention momentarily. When he looks back, you’re gone and so is the connection. “Supreme Leader! We’ve found her. We’ve located the ship!”

\--------------------------------------------------------------

It takes Kylo no time at all to locate you. He should have known to look here on Alsakan. It’s where the two of you’d first met, after all. But he hadn’t thought . . . Of course he hadn’t. He was so riddled with panic, overcome at the thought that you’d left him for good that he hadn’t even considered this to be a possibility of where you’d run off to. Disembarking his own ship, he steps out to find you there and waiting for him. A long stretch of silence falls between you as his steps halt and the two of you stare back at one another.

“I told you not to come find me,” you say, finally breaking the silence. Kylo opens his mouth, but you cut him off before he can begin to reply. “But I’m glad you did.”

He can feel his heart skip a beat at those words, his feet now carrying him forward without so much as a thought. In no time at all, his arms are wrapped securely around you, hugging you to him as he inhales a shaky breath. “I’m sorry,” he whispers to you, hunched down just enough to allow him to bury his face in the crook of your neck. “I never meant to hurt you, I’m so sorry.”

You can feel his shoulders shake with the release of his sobs, the sounds muffled by the skin of your neck. In an effort to comfort him, you lift your hand to card fingers through his hair, your other hand coming to rest against his back. “You can’t _ever_ do that to me again.” Your tone is firm, letting him know that you’re deadly serious about the matter.

His head nods, strands of hair tickling the space between your neck and shoulders when he does so. Kylo pulls back to look at you now, eyes rimmed with red and glossy from fresh tears, tears that have deposited themselves onto your neck and shoulder. “I won’t. You have my word,” he assures you while the hand in his hair brushes back strands away from his face.

And he means it. He’ll spend the rest of his life regretting what he’d done to you, but he’ll stop at nothing to make up for it.


End file.
